inbox for futurology

[cachemoney]

username: FIONA

gif credit to bigblueboo

Comments

[dbag]

Wow. That is a— strong and... totally expected opinion. [ He swallows thickly, averting his eyes. ] What if. I told you he wasn't as dead as previously thought. Annnnd you talked to him! That's exciting, right, you're super special.

[cachemoney]

[Wow, he's just getting all these stares today, start a collection.] Rhys. I know you think you're making sense, but. I'm out here. [She taps her head; she is not privy to whatever brain injured thoughts he has.] When?

[dbag]

I am making sense, just. Come on. [ This doesn't even mean anything, he just feels the need to defend himself. He looks around, basically at anything that isn't her, and huffs a few times like she's greatly inconveniencing him. ] Remember that time you said I was a dick and didn't even remember you? [ Like five minutes ago??? ] You probably don't, we don't even need to talk about it.

[cachemoney]

[Rhys??? This still doesn't make sense??] What does that have to do with Handsome Jack? Or me speaking to a not-fully-dead Handsome Jack. [If that's what he's trying to say? It's all very confusing.

Although, wait. Is that what he's trying to say?] Oh, my god, Hyperion. Are you trying to get me to believe you become possessed in the future, what the fuck, just admit you have aspirations to be King Asshole! [THIS IS INSULTING.] My opinion does not mean that much to you.

[dbag]

Oh, my god! [ Rhys throws his hands up, huffing. This is peak Fiona, immediately getting offended and, quite frankly, assuming the worst of him. This is unfair and she's unfair and his whole life is unfair. ] What did I say! What did I say. I said you'd be a jerk about it, and you are. [ He leans back in his chair, crossing his arms. ] I'm not lying, if I was going to lie, I'd have come up with something way better than that. Like, that in the future I'm a super spy and I had to keep my cover by pretending to be a dick.

[cachemoney]

I'm a jerk -- ? [HE IS TALKING ABOUT GHOSTS. Future ghosts! Like she's that gullible just because she's from the armpit of the universe.

She throws her hands up too, not at all because she's starting to pick up his mannerisms from hanging around him too long.] What, is this some kind of Hyperion thing you people do? Put your name in a lottery to get body-snatched by your dead bosses?

[dbag]

What, no, that's stupid. [ Clearly more stupid than the Actual Real Story!!! Which is not stupid at all!!! ] Just— let me explain, please, before jumping to conclusions. Remember when I had that ID drive, and I was all look and learn, and then I jabbed it in my head and passed out? Remember that time? Well, it turns out that there was a program on there, annnd I downloaded it into my head, annnd it. Was. Jack. Not actual Jack, um, that one's actually dead, but. An AI.

[ He clears his throat awkwardly. This is fine, this is not at all uncomfortable. Weakly: ] ...Surprise.

[cachemoney]

...oh my god. [This could be an oh my god about anything, really. The whole "dead boss AI thing," for one. That is probably worthy of an oh my god. But.]

You liar. You absolute dick, this whole time you had a Handsome Jack AI floating around, and -- [Oh, she was supposed to not be an asshole about this, uhh. She stares at him for a second, willing herself to calm the fuck down. She is somewhat successful. Gritting her teeth,] So he just kind of takes over your body sometimes. Great. I guess I'm lucky you didn't kill me yet.

[dbag]

[ YOU LIE FOR A LIVING!!!! is what he could say, but he's feeling sort of like a weak bowl of pudding right now, a little bit scared of her and somewhat ashamed, so he just sinks down in his seat. ] Once, it happened once. Well. Twice... now. But it's fine, I can totally handle it! You are not gonna die. I mean, you're gon— we're all going to die, eventually, um, unless we. Create AI versions of ourselves. I guess. But not, uh, not because I killed you. How mad are you, on a scale of one to ten? Is it eleven? It feels like eleven from where I'm sitting.

[cachemoney]

[It's pretty GD close to eleven, he's very observant, but she is trying very hard not to blow up at him. She takes a second to just scrub at her face, leaning back again.] Yeah, I'm at like a nine-point-five right now. This is-- dangerous, how do you know you can handle it? And not murder me. Or Vaughn. Or, like, everyone.

[dbag]

Because! [ There's probably supposed to be an actual reason after "because," isn't there. He runs his fingers through his hair, self-soothing. ] Because. I am going to... figure it out. And it's going to be fine. ...Somehow. Just— don't be mad, okay, because. [ Mumbling like this is painful to say: ] It would be really helpful. If I had you here. With me. On this. I could use the extra brainpower.

[cachemoney]

[Wow, she's swooning, what a beautiful confirmation of friendship.] You're the "master hacker" around here, why can't you figure it out? If he's just uploaded to your cybernetics, can't you just... delete him? Or whatever.

[dbag]

That's not how it works. [ Huffing, like, god, Fiona, don't you know anything?! ] He's inside me— yep, okay, I know how that sounded, I said it, let's just move on. Don't get mad...der, but I kind of let him take over the whole thing. As in, all my cybernetics. So... that's a thing. Which I realize now was a bad choice! But at the time it seemed like a good idea.

[cachemoney]

[Ha ha, gross. She makes a little bit of a face, but lets it go, it's not important right now. What is important is the other thing! The all my cybernetics thing.] Holy shit, what is wrong with you! Why would you...

[Wait a second. 'How are you doing that?' 'I'm not, really.']

The Gortys Facility, oh my god. He shot at us. Rhys!

[dbag]

I know, I was there! I did not want that to happen, I didn't— he was just supposed to shoot the bad guys. [ This all sounds so flimsy now that he's saying it out loud, like, "Oh, it's okay, he said he was only going to murder SOME people!" He makes some vague gestures with his hands, like that will explain it. ] Look, it was the only plan we had, I thought we were going to die.

[cachemoney]

I had a plan. A really good one! [DON'T QUESTION IT, her plan was... so good. And not just something she was gonna make up on the spot. Sighing, she scrubs at her face again, slumping down in her chair a little. Arguing won't help, she can be mad at him later.]

Okay... fine. Whatever. The important part. You have a sociopath in... side. Your. You. [Ugh.] There are people from different universes here, maybe one of them knows how to extract him without frying all your... circuits. Or whatever you have. Wires?

[dbag]

[ Inside his him, yes. He makes a face like it's crazy that she doesn't know all the intimate workings of cybernetics, which, to be fair, most people he knows do. They make killer robots at Hyperion, they end up knowing at least a little about how robotics work even if it's not their field. ] Circuits usually involve wires. [ Just to be pedantic. He can't help it. ]

Yeah, maybe. That might get, um. Tricky, though. [ He looks down at his cybernetic hand like it's going to start slapping him. It might. ] I'll try to do some recon, weigh our options. [ Because she's in on this now, sorry, he said 'our,' it's her responsibility now too. That's legally binding. ] But. That's it. All of it. So go ahead, let me have it.

[cachemoney]

[She has no idea what he means by tricky -- it's not like she knows that "sociopathic AI" also means "sociopathic AI who floats around threatening me and can also choke me with my own robo-hand," she barely knows that circuits usually involve wires -- so she just squints at him a little like he's making things intentionally difficult. Typical.]

I thought I already did. You're a dick and a liar and you're also a freakin' moron. You got a lot to make up for, man.

[dbag]

So. [ He looks down and plays with his food a little bit, just idly stabbing things with his fork. ] I guess you could say that I was right, then, about the... that you'd be. [ He makes a noncommittal noise, too scared of her right now to straight up call her an asshole to her face. But he's still bitter. ] I mean, because I think one of our minds got blown, annnd I think we both know which one. [ His head is not spinning from all the sympathy, he's disappointed. ]

[cachemoney]

[She honestly barely remembers telling him she was gonna blow his mind with sympathy, she was that angry and just kind of thinking aggressively in his general direction. Now she is just simmering and sulking a little. She does not like being lied to, it's a really good way to get on her bad side.] I'mmm not seeing what I'm supposed to be nice to you about. The part where you make shitty choices? Sorry you make shitty choices.

[dbag]

See? This is exactly what I predicted, I was literally totally right. [ And she was so childish about it, too, talking about how so sympathetic and Space Mother Teresa-like she is. Bull to the shit, she's hurting his feelings. Which are extraordinarily delicate, but all the same! As if she hasn't made shitty choices before. She made one just this morning when deciding to put that hat on. ZING! ] Let's just ignore what choices I may or may not have made and focus on the important stuff. It sucks for me, too! Or. It's going to, in the future, apparently.

[cachemoney]

[She'd been prepared to be sympathetic about something like I have a space tumor in my brain that makes me a mega super asshole sometimes, not there's a crazy person LITERALLY INSIDE ME, even Space Mother Teresa has her limits. Fiona squints, frowning, because she'd sort of forgotten about the whole future deal. So if he doesn't turn into King Asshole in the future, then...?] Wait, do you think you're going to... uh. Get totally bodysnatched instead of just semi-bodysnatched, is that what that was?

[dbag]

[ Semi-bodysnatched, god, stop making it sound stupid. He wrinkles his nose a little. ] Yyyes. Maybe? I mean, my brain remembers it but I wasn't exactly. Uh. There.

[cachemoney]

Well. That's... creepy. [Can you feel the sympathy just rolling off her in waves. She frowns, rephrasing.] I mean, that sucks. That is-- let's try to avoid that.

[dbag]

[ That sucks. That sucks??? THAT SUCKS?! THAT SUCKS!!!!!! He couldn't be more butthurt about this response if he tried; he scoffs a little, then narrows his eyes, frowning. ] Yeah, bummer.