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So. [ He looks down and plays with his food a little bit, just idly stabbing things with his fork. ] I guess you could say that I was right, then, about the... that you'd be. [ He makes a noncommittal noise, too scared of her right now to straight up call her an asshole to her face. But he's still bitter. ] I mean, because I think one of our minds got blown, annnd I think we both know which one. [ His head is not spinning from all the sympathy, he's disappointed. ]

[She honestly barely remembers telling him she was gonna blow his mind with sympathy, she was that angry and just kind of thinking aggressively in his general direction. Now she is just simmering and sulking a little. She does not like being lied to, it's a really good way to get on her bad side.] I'mmm not seeing what I'm supposed to be nice to you about. The part where you make shitty choices? Sorry you make shitty choices.

See? This is exactly what I predicted, I was literally totally right. [ And she was so childish about it, too, talking about how so sympathetic and Space Mother Teresa-like she is. Bull to the shit, she's hurting his feelings. Which are extraordinarily delicate, but all the same! As if she hasn't made shitty choices before. She made one just this morning when deciding to put that hat on. ZING! ] Let's just ignore what choices I may or may not have made and focus on the important stuff. It sucks for me, too! Or. It's going to, in the future, apparently.

[She'd been prepared to be sympathetic about something like I have a space tumor in my brain that makes me a mega super asshole sometimes, not there's a crazy person LITERALLY INSIDE ME, even Space Mother Teresa has her limits. Fiona squints, frowning, because she'd sort of forgotten about the whole future deal. So if he doesn't turn into King Asshole in the future, then...?] Wait, do you think you're going to... uh. Get totally bodysnatched instead of just semi-bodysnatched, is that what that was?

[ Semi-bodysnatched, god, stop making it sound stupid. He wrinkles his nose a little. ] Yyyes. Maybe? I mean, my brain remembers it but I wasn't exactly. Uh. There.

Well. That's... creepy. [Can you feel the sympathy just rolling off her in waves. She frowns, rephrasing.] I mean, that sucks. That is-- let's try to avoid that.

[ That sucks. That sucks??? THAT SUCKS?! THAT SUCKS!!!!!! He couldn't be more butthurt about this response if he tried; he scoffs a little, then narrows his eyes, frowning. ] Yeah, bummer.

[WOW. She tosses her hands up again.] Well, what do you want me to say! I've never known someone who was in danger of their body being taken over by an AI, okay, I don't have any experience with this.

I don't know! Not uhhhhhh, that sucks. [ In a dumb voice that is clearly supposed to be Fiona yet sounds nothing like her. ] It's not like I just spilled something on my favorite shirt. I like having a body! Existing in corporeal form is one of my favorite hobbies! Oh, my god, I actually sort of thought you maybe might be kind of sympathetic about this.

I'm-- totally sympathetic! [She points at her face, eyes wide and frowning.] This is me, being sympathetic. It would really suck if that happened to you. It would mega-suck!

[She drops her hand and gestures uselessly in front of her for a second, then does a kind of cringey shrug thing. Speaking of things that suck: Fiona, at this. What is this mystery called friendship.] Do you want, like, a hug, or...?

Oh, my god??? [ Three question marks were highly necessary. Is this her actually trying? Has she never interacted with another human being before, how is she so bad at this?? A hug from literally anybody would probably be nice right now, but he doesn't need her pity hug. He puts his head in his hands. ] I can't believe you're the first person I told. [ What a questionable choice on his part, made solely to make her look like an asshole, he shouldn't be making decisions like this. ] You know what, it's fine. I'm just gonna resume eating my feelings, um. You can go if you want. It's probably gonna take a while. Lot of stuff to work through here.

[She frowns at him for a second, less angry than feeling kind of shitty right now; she doesn't know how to fix this, this isn't something she can subtly manipulate into improving. She's still angry, though. It's like a 5.5 now.

After staring at him for a bit, she does get up and leave, though she returns shortly with like a bowl of pudding or something, she doesn't know what this is. She can at least stay near him and be companionable, she is trying so hard.] I'm sorry I yelled at you, I guess.

"I guess"? Wow, it's like you can actually feel the love in this room. Feels like being cuddled by a thousand unicorns. [ It's better than nothing, he's just feeling bitchy, she hurt his delicate flower feelings. ] It's okay. I guess. [ He still has a sulky face on, he's still mad about it. It's just less intense now, he's starting to burn out. He stares at his plate (sulkily!!!) and stabs some more stuff with his fork, just playing with his food again. ] I was thinking up some really mean revenge ideas, but I'm not gonna do them now, so... you're welcome.

[This child!! She is doing her best.] Thaaanks. [Fiona eyes this pudding-like thing for a second, then shoves it across the table at him. A peace offering. Of pudding.]

I could... get you a hat. A regret hat. Would that help?

...Actually, yeah, kind of. I do pull them off better. [ But god, she's copying him, regret hats are his thing since he came up with them this morning. He pokes at the pudding(?) with a spoon, carefully inspecting it. ] Are there bugs in this? I'm gonna be really pissed if there's bugs in this.

[She rolls her eyes a bit but doesn't comment, instead making a mental note to get him the ugliest hat known to man. Nobody ever designated what a regret hat looks like.]

Uh. I don't know, I got it from over there. [Vague gesture...] Are there usually bugs in things?

[ Wow, thanks for just randomly grabbing it, he could die from this. He pokes it a little more before getting a spoonful. ] I don't know, just... making sure you aren't still mad.

Pfft. [She pushes her bangs back, sitting back in the chair and just casually folding her arms.] I am still mad. Just not enough to put bugs in your food. Knowingly.

Thanks, you're just— so good at this comforting thing. [ Pouring one out for Sasha, tbh. What has she had to deal with her entire life? Has Fiona just been like ooh, that mega-sucks every time Sasha started crying??? ] Is iiit... a nine-point-two-five now? Are you less mad? You should be less mad.

[Like Sasha cries?? No, they both just get pissed off when they're upset, it works out for everyone. Punching the tears away. Fiona lifts her hand and waggles it back and forth.] Meh. Around a three and a half, four. [She pauses, then spreads her arms wide for effect.] Also, that hug offer is still good! I'll just... really get in there, just. Get that hug on. Comfort the shit out of you.

[ Wow, three and a half, that's basically how mad he assumes she is at him on a regular day. He wakes up and she's probably like first of all, how dare you. Anyway, he's impressed, this is a vast improvement, he totally thought she would try to murder him. ] Wow, I am so comforted just thinking about it. I'm assuming there will also be singing at some point? You know, a relaxing Pandoran song, like 'Twinkle Twinkle Little Ahhhh, Help, I'm Getting Chopped Up By Bandits'.

Wow, yes, that's exactly what our lullabies are like. Nobody would ever know you're an offworlder. [Just kidding, everyone can see it from ten thousand miles away. He looks too much like somebody who doesn't know what a skin pizza is, it's too obvious.

She folds her arms again, smiling a little. She's still pissed off that he hid this for so long, what the fuck, but at least he's not actually goddamn insane. Small victories.] Sooo. Nobody else knows?

[ They can see it from ten thousand miles away because he doesn't have any blood on his clothes!!! The joke is that everyone on Pandora is a murderer. Grimacing a little, he says, ] Uh, not yet. I guess I gotta tell Vaughn now. [ He can't tell Fiona and not tell Vaughn, she's way lower on the friend list. Vaughn is like his top five friends. Not in the top five, he is the top five. ] So that's gonna be a thing.

[She shrugs, because that doesn't seem actually like a problem to her. Don't all Hyperion employees worship Handsome Jack? It'll be like Rhys is the Chosen One.] Please, he'll probably think it's cool or whatever. It's a lot better than thinking you're losing it, anyway.

Yeah. [ He is not very convinced!! But he squares his shoulders and takes a breath. ] I guess I should, uh. Go find him. I don't wanna— yeah. [ It already feels awful that he wasn't the first person who knew, he doesn't really want to wait too long after telling Fiona. He pushes his seat back, standing, and smiles weakly before shooting her some finger guns. ] So. See you later, alligator. Sorry, I don't know why I said that. —Oh, and, um. I'm still counting on that regret hat, so.

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