inbox for futurology

[cachemoney]

username: FIONA

gif credit to bigblueboo

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[dbag]

[ YOU LIE FOR A LIVING!!!! is what he could say, but he's feeling sort of like a weak bowl of pudding right now, a little bit scared of her and somewhat ashamed, so he just sinks down in his seat. ] Once, it happened once. Well. Twice... now. But it's fine, I can totally handle it! You are not gonna die. I mean, you're gon— we're all going to die, eventually, um, unless we. Create AI versions of ourselves. I guess. But not, uh, not because I killed you. How mad are you, on a scale of one to ten? Is it eleven? It feels like eleven from where I'm sitting.

[cachemoney]

[It's pretty GD close to eleven, he's very observant, but she is trying very hard not to blow up at him. She takes a second to just scrub at her face, leaning back again.] Yeah, I'm at like a nine-point-five right now. This is-- dangerous, how do you know you can handle it? And not murder me. Or Vaughn. Or, like, everyone.

[dbag]

Because! [ There's probably supposed to be an actual reason after "because," isn't there. He runs his fingers through his hair, self-soothing. ] Because. I am going to... figure it out. And it's going to be fine. ...Somehow. Just— don't be mad, okay, because. [ Mumbling like this is painful to say: ] It would be really helpful. If I had you here. With me. On this. I could use the extra brainpower.

[cachemoney]

[Wow, she's swooning, what a beautiful confirmation of friendship.] You're the "master hacker" around here, why can't you figure it out? If he's just uploaded to your cybernetics, can't you just... delete him? Or whatever.

[dbag]

That's not how it works. [ Huffing, like, god, Fiona, don't you know anything?! ] He's inside me— yep, okay, I know how that sounded, I said it, let's just move on. Don't get mad...der, but I kind of let him take over the whole thing. As in, all my cybernetics. So... that's a thing. Which I realize now was a bad choice! But at the time it seemed like a good idea.

[cachemoney]

[Ha ha, gross. She makes a little bit of a face, but lets it go, it's not important right now. What is important is the other thing! The all my cybernetics thing.] Holy shit, what is wrong with you! Why would you...

[Wait a second. 'How are you doing that?' 'I'm not, really.']

The Gortys Facility, oh my god. He shot at us. Rhys!

[dbag]

I know, I was there! I did not want that to happen, I didn't— he was just supposed to shoot the bad guys. [ This all sounds so flimsy now that he's saying it out loud, like, "Oh, it's okay, he said he was only going to murder SOME people!" He makes some vague gestures with his hands, like that will explain it. ] Look, it was the only plan we had, I thought we were going to die.

[cachemoney]

I had a plan. A really good one! [DON'T QUESTION IT, her plan was... so good. And not just something she was gonna make up on the spot. Sighing, she scrubs at her face again, slumping down in her chair a little. Arguing won't help, she can be mad at him later.]

Okay... fine. Whatever. The important part. You have a sociopath in... side. Your. You. [Ugh.] There are people from different universes here, maybe one of them knows how to extract him without frying all your... circuits. Or whatever you have. Wires?

[dbag]

[ Inside his him, yes. He makes a face like it's crazy that she doesn't know all the intimate workings of cybernetics, which, to be fair, most people he knows do. They make killer robots at Hyperion, they end up knowing at least a little about how robotics work even if it's not their field. ] Circuits usually involve wires. [ Just to be pedantic. He can't help it. ]

Yeah, maybe. That might get, um. Tricky, though. [ He looks down at his cybernetic hand like it's going to start slapping him. It might. ] I'll try to do some recon, weigh our options. [ Because she's in on this now, sorry, he said 'our,' it's her responsibility now too. That's legally binding. ] But. That's it. All of it. So go ahead, let me have it.

[cachemoney]

[She has no idea what he means by tricky -- it's not like she knows that "sociopathic AI" also means "sociopathic AI who floats around threatening me and can also choke me with my own robo-hand," she barely knows that circuits usually involve wires -- so she just squints at him a little like he's making things intentionally difficult. Typical.]

I thought I already did. You're a dick and a liar and you're also a freakin' moron. You got a lot to make up for, man.

[dbag]

So. [ He looks down and plays with his food a little bit, just idly stabbing things with his fork. ] I guess you could say that I was right, then, about the... that you'd be. [ He makes a noncommittal noise, too scared of her right now to straight up call her an asshole to her face. But he's still bitter. ] I mean, because I think one of our minds got blown, annnd I think we both know which one. [ His head is not spinning from all the sympathy, he's disappointed. ]

[cachemoney]

[She honestly barely remembers telling him she was gonna blow his mind with sympathy, she was that angry and just kind of thinking aggressively in his general direction. Now she is just simmering and sulking a little. She does not like being lied to, it's a really good way to get on her bad side.] I'mmm not seeing what I'm supposed to be nice to you about. The part where you make shitty choices? Sorry you make shitty choices.

[dbag]

See? This is exactly what I predicted, I was literally totally right. [ And she was so childish about it, too, talking about how so sympathetic and Space Mother Teresa-like she is. Bull to the shit, she's hurting his feelings. Which are extraordinarily delicate, but all the same! As if she hasn't made shitty choices before. She made one just this morning when deciding to put that hat on. ZING! ] Let's just ignore what choices I may or may not have made and focus on the important stuff. It sucks for me, too! Or. It's going to, in the future, apparently.

[cachemoney]

[She'd been prepared to be sympathetic about something like I have a space tumor in my brain that makes me a mega super asshole sometimes, not there's a crazy person LITERALLY INSIDE ME, even Space Mother Teresa has her limits. Fiona squints, frowning, because she'd sort of forgotten about the whole future deal. So if he doesn't turn into King Asshole in the future, then...?] Wait, do you think you're going to... uh. Get totally bodysnatched instead of just semi-bodysnatched, is that what that was?

[dbag]

[ Semi-bodysnatched, god, stop making it sound stupid. He wrinkles his nose a little. ] Yyyes. Maybe? I mean, my brain remembers it but I wasn't exactly. Uh. There.

[cachemoney]

Well. That's... creepy. [Can you feel the sympathy just rolling off her in waves. She frowns, rephrasing.] I mean, that sucks. That is-- let's try to avoid that.

[dbag]

[ That sucks. That sucks??? THAT SUCKS?! THAT SUCKS!!!!!! He couldn't be more butthurt about this response if he tried; he scoffs a little, then narrows his eyes, frowning. ] Yeah, bummer.

[cachemoney]

[WOW. She tosses her hands up again.] Well, what do you want me to say! I've never known someone who was in danger of their body being taken over by an AI, okay, I don't have any experience with this.

[dbag]

I don't know! Not uhhhhhh, that sucks. [ In a dumb voice that is clearly supposed to be Fiona yet sounds nothing like her. ] It's not like I just spilled something on my favorite shirt. I like having a body! Existing in corporeal form is one of my favorite hobbies! Oh, my god, I actually sort of thought you maybe might be kind of sympathetic about this.

[cachemoney]

I'm-- totally sympathetic! [She points at her face, eyes wide and frowning.] This is me, being sympathetic. It would really suck if that happened to you. It would mega-suck!

[She drops her hand and gestures uselessly in front of her for a second, then does a kind of cringey shrug thing. Speaking of things that suck: Fiona, at this. What is this mystery called friendship.] Do you want, like, a hug, or...?

[dbag]

Oh, my god??? [ Three question marks were highly necessary. Is this her actually trying? Has she never interacted with another human being before, how is she so bad at this?? A hug from literally anybody would probably be nice right now, but he doesn't need her pity hug. He puts his head in his hands. ] I can't believe you're the first person I told. [ What a questionable choice on his part, made solely to make her look like an asshole, he shouldn't be making decisions like this. ] You know what, it's fine. I'm just gonna resume eating my feelings, um. You can go if you want. It's probably gonna take a while. Lot of stuff to work through here.

[cachemoney]

[She frowns at him for a second, less angry than feeling kind of shitty right now; she doesn't know how to fix this, this isn't something she can subtly manipulate into improving. She's still angry, though. It's like a 5.5 now.

After staring at him for a bit, she does get up and leave, though she returns shortly with like a bowl of pudding or something, she doesn't know what this is. She can at least stay near him and be companionable, she is trying so hard.] I'm sorry I yelled at you, I guess.

[dbag]

"I guess"? Wow, it's like you can actually feel the love in this room. Feels like being cuddled by a thousand unicorns. [ It's better than nothing, he's just feeling bitchy, she hurt his delicate flower feelings. ] It's okay. I guess. [ He still has a sulky face on, he's still mad about it. It's just less intense now, he's starting to burn out. He stares at his plate (sulkily!!!) and stabs some more stuff with his fork, just playing with his food again. ] I was thinking up some really mean revenge ideas, but I'm not gonna do them now, so... you're welcome.

[cachemoney]

[This child!! She is doing her best.] Thaaanks. [Fiona eyes this pudding-like thing for a second, then shoves it across the table at him. A peace offering. Of pudding.]

I could... get you a hat. A regret hat. Would that help?

[dbag]

...Actually, yeah, kind of. I do pull them off better. [ But god, she's copying him, regret hats are his thing since he came up with them this morning. He pokes at the pudding(?) with a spoon, carefully inspecting it. ] Are there bugs in this? I'm gonna be really pissed if there's bugs in this.